“Part of me…” — Shai is sitting in his chair in our clinic. “I can’t do this anymore… I’m done with this marriage… I’m hopeless.” It’s been three months since his wife, Molly, found out about his affair. They decided to go to couples therapy and give it a chance. We are about two…

Seven steps to being more “you” in your relationships. We all want to be loved. We all want to be seen and appreciated for who we truly are. We all have a desire for people to see beyond our façade and truly grasp our uniqueness. …

Yes, sometimes even over the children. — Co-authored by Galit Romanelli, M.A. Dinner time in the Romanelli house. Zack (age 11) says to Galit: “You love Lila more than me.” Lila (age 8) answers: “That’s not true. You love Zack more.” Galit smiles and says: “You’re both wrong. I love daddy the most.” We all laugh. This…

The natural/fake dichotomy. — “So how was it since we last met?” I ask Alex. “Paulina has been touching me more,” he says, his face still. “That’s great! No? Why aren’t you smiling?” “Because she’s only doing it because you suggested she do that. …

How to help your relationship win. — Wednesday, 9pm. Kids are finally asleep. I crawl over to the sofa and join my wife and zone out in front of Netflix. She then turns around to me to me and says: “I want to tell you something you might not like to hear… It’s not about you, it’s…

Choice. — It’s toward the close of a six and a half hour masterclass on couples therapy I’m leading for 30 therapists. One of them asks, “But what about hope? You didn’t speak about giving your clients hope.” The question surprised me. I had never really thought about hope as a separate…

How to leverage the four types of “sorry” in your relationship. — Partners apologize (or not) all the time. Yet often the apologies don’t achieve the desired effect. Sometimes a misused apology can actually hurt the relationship more than build it. Why is that? Because there are actually four types of apologies that might use the same word but have completely different…

How to escape the symbiotic belief that’s confining your relationship. — We all hold core beliefs about relationships. Core beliefs are in fact meta beliefs; they cannot be disproved because they are all-encompassing. Here are some core beliefs that I meet in the clinic every day: “Your pain is my fault.” “Your joy is my responsibility.” “If you loved me you…

The best metaphor for relationships — and it actually invigorates your life. — What metaphor best describes your relationship? It’s important, because the way we talk about marriage, or any long-term relationship, shapes the way we see it and, subsequently, our expectations from it. Marriage as ball and chain The media, TV, and movie industry tend to describe marriage as something dull, monotonous, rigid. The TV show Married…